Revenants

This collections feature story is actually based on a real place in my home town, the name of which I will keep from those pages for legal reasons.

Some readers may have problems with the language used, for this I apologise, even though I have a simple enough reason for doing this. The first version I wrote of this story was written in plain English. It was one of those times when I knew I had the story, but it didn't quite feel right. I chewed on it for a while before noticing that I had slipped in one or two words that were of a broad Scottish dialect. It felt right somehow, so I rewrote the story in this manner trying to keep as much of the narrative constant as I could (which was surprisingly difficult. I am still not sure if I have got it right. If you spot any errors please let me know through the revenants facebook page.) with many drafts and redrafts I managed to come up with what I have here.

There is another way that this story is unique from the others. You will see what I mean. All enough to give it the status I have in this collection in my opinion.

There's a face I hivnae seen in yonks. Hows things?

Unwell? Aye, ye dae look a bit peekit. A yon stress probably. Enough tae make anyane sick.

But yer hame noo. Ye can rest in peace in yon cosy place.

O'course, the place has changed. Disnae look like it eh? There are new residents. Yon block o' flats ower there. Passin oan the left. Five new tenants in the past week! Nae kiddin! Though gossip says they willnae last the month. 'sept the Joneses. Interesting' faimly.

Aye. Lots changed aroun' here since ye left in seevinty – fowr. In sayin that though there are still things ye will recognise. Yon auld school we jist passed. Ye saw that. Oh, ye didnae? Weel, that’s still there, so's yon Inn an' yon shops, although they punt new things noo. One does them new typin' thingies. Whit are they called noo....aye, them piece's things. PC's? Richt. Whitever they are, an no need fur yon cheeky smile son.

Apology accepted.

Where wus I? Oh aye. Maste o' yon auld hooses are still stan'in, alang wie some mushees ye wull recognise. Cummon, we'll hae a swatch.

They wullnae mind.

Auld Mr Mac Millan is still here in number three. Ayr. The lech in yon wheelchair. See he's still at it. Then again I dinnae blame him. Yon lassie in number ane should shut yon curtains when she does that.

Na. he cannie hear us. Deef as a post usually, nuthin' wrang wie his eyed though, the dirty bass'. Though considerin' things, that could change.

Aye. Hae a guid chuckle. Yell feel better fur it.

That’s a nasty cough ye got there son. Smoke?

Weel, fags ur fags nae matter whit ye put in 'em.

Drink tae? No? Ah like a wee tipple masel'. Dinnae look surprised, ye a' ken it oanyway. Ahm an auld piss artist, an' dinna try tae bluff thngs. Canny abide that. Be honest an' yer days will be lang (an yer nights lonely as weel) is whit ma maw used tae say. An' she went at ninety- seevn!

That remembers me, times a movin' on, so lets dae the same.

Braw nicht aint it? Crisp cauld an' clear. The loony's oot tae.

Dinnae look at me like that son. Ah mean yon moon. We used tae ca' it the looney man when we wur bairns. Anither sayin o' ma's. She wus fu' o' sayin's she was. Not now o'course. Mooth an' throat tumour.

How ye feelin' now? Bit light in the noggin? That's aboot richt. The air wull help that. Shoudnae last too lang.

An speakin' o' loonies an' light hieds, here is number 'leven.

This is wur Tessa an' Tam Greenan stay. The original odd couple those twa. He'll no be in, o'er at yon pub again causin' scuffles mair'n likely. But she wull, upstairs as was as wulnie, twurrlin' hur way thorough the hoose on hur tippy taes, as graceful an' pretty as ever.

See? There she goes past...it..

Oops. Lost yur lunch. You ok? Dinna raise yur voice at me yun'in. Nae point in shoutin; aboot it. Dun bun cannae be undun, as mah ma used tae say.

Ah'll pretend ah didnae hear that.

Nor that.

An thur's nae point in goin off inna huff, wie yur fizz droopin' either. Whit did ye expect, a fanfare?

Mind!

Jings, that wummin! Ye widnae credit wid ye? Lets get the hell oot o' the hoose before somane gets hurt.

Ye feelin' better?

Aye, it wus. A new ane tae. He musta come hame efter a' at some point an' gied hur that stooshie as she twurrled past. An' she disnae even try tae cover it up. Dosent even ken it's there I suppose, hieds a' fucked up wie a' yon beatin's. Mah faither said ye could beat a wummin simple.

Makes ye fuckin' sick so it does.

Ah. an theres me swearin' noo.

Nae fuckin' wunner.

Maybe if they hud a bairn he wudda calmed doon. Then again, maybe not, wha kens. Wunder whit kind o' bairn they twa woulda had? Ah shudder tae think. Wie her charm an' his temper it would ha bin a rucht wee hooligan in it's childhood an' a jail burd later. If it had lived long enough.

Then again it might no' huv bin that way. Maybe it would a' had her temper an' his strength, an' ,if it hud survived lang enough it could hae gone on tae greater things, an' given humanity a great gift by inventing' somethin'. A cure fur cancer maybe, or sum such like that. Or he might just ha' bin some Joe blow, frae Glasgow, like the rest o' us. Weel, not like you, but ye ken whit ah mean. A regular nine tae five worker makin' a pittance fur sweatin' an' breakin' his back.

Whit coulda' bin is sad. But this paur fella here in number twenty fower is even worse aff than that. Even worse than hur up the road. Aye. Wee soweel is all alane in the worl'. We keep a watch on him though. A' o' us. Just tae make sure.

Ah see yur noddin'. Ye ken whit bein' all alane is like, don't ye.

But at least ye made it son. Met yur wife in yon youth hostel up Kittoch avenue; ye learnt aboot life there, didn't ye. Hud bairns o' yer ane an' got a guid career, a guid hoose an' loads o' money. Though ye huvenie got any noo. That’s unfortunate, but that’s the way thon proverbial cookis crumbles.

Here. In the livinroom.

See? There he is.

Breaks yer heart in twa dunnit?

He is the maist sensitive of us a'. bein a wean an' a'. hears voices an' sees things that he rightly shouldnae. There are others in this hoose ye see. Weel, theres others in all the hooses, like ah said though, he senses them more often than o' us.

Huv seen one or twa masel', upsettin, they are, wie thur ways o' tauntin, though I dinna suppose they ken they are doin' it, an we huv evn had a guy in here tae try an' fix yon problem an exorcise them. Quite a strange guy ifn ah remember rightly. Sma' hied wie white hair stikin' out all over the place, as ifn he hud a shock o' some kind. Pinstripe suite tae. Not laid eyes on one o' them fur years, an' an attitude that was ower the tap. Like a showman.

Or a clown.

Still. We a' pitch in tae comfort him.

Hi Maureen. Guid to see ye huv appeared again.

Oh fine, fine. Just showin' the new laddie aroun' the place. Laddie, this is Maureen, Maureen, ye ken who this is.

Ye dae that Maureen, an' I'll see you later.

We huv twa mair places to visit.

Stand here lad. Should be safe.

Remember this place? Ye used tae come here as a wean wie yur pals. But it wus some years before ye actually went in, wasn’t it?

Aye. Ye remember. Ye used tae ca' it the Five o'clock Alley fur some reason. Can ye remember why?

Wuz that how you gave it that name? Creative.

Weel, nae matter. We a' used tae come here oursel's when we wur young. Only we ca'd it Tramps End. We thought that as ye did, that it we because o' auld Jimmy dyeing there in a pool o' his ane vomit that wuz why it had the reputation it did. But I tell ye, it wuznae.

It's been like that for hunners o' years. I heard from an aulder ane that when she stayed aroun' here the place wuz as bad as it is noo. They used to ca' it The devils Pathway and Skhian Somethin' or other, in that order goin back in time. Dunno what they ca'd it afore then. Nobody kens why they gave it those names, at least not on the tap point of thur mind. The grun' in there is bad grun', an' even yon animals stay away frae it. Still dae. No ane kens exactly why though, an I think that is the reason why, when they built yon cottages, that they made yon alterations ad-hoc, tae keep them away from it.

Oanyway. A' breathed a secret sigh o' relief when they built yon gates, an' locked them tight. Even now, in our present circumstances we stay far as possible. This is the closest ah huv been in yonks years.

That reminds me o' somethin else. Fur anaither time methinks. Come now, yon place still gies me the shooglies.

Whit click? Ah didnae hear oany click. Musta bin yur imagination.

Here we or at last. Final destination, so tae speak. Bet you thought y'd nevur see the auld place again in yur life. Weel in a manner o' speakin' ye huvnae.

Loads o' memories here huh. Yur foster parents did yon place up real guid not lang after ye left. Renovations here, repairs there. But they left yur room as it wuz. Some sma' changes noo o'course, noo that there are others livin' there, but ah dinna think it will bother ye o'er much, if at a'. We went amongst a pairty at full tilt twa doors back an' ye never even noticed.

Some o' them did though. Aye, they certainly did. Ye sent the hosts maither in law screamin oot the front door, an' a few others mentioned somethin' aboot a cauld draught aroun' the time ye were giein it full blast, an' me some waldy.

Naw. Nae need tae apologise again. Ye wur under some stress at the time. It takes some yon way.

Ah, look. They huv a' come tae say hi.

There is auld man Heart Attack we went tae see first. Looks happier than a pig in muck doesn’t he. Nae wunner, look wha is sittin' on his lap. Girl Suicide.

Lady Murdered is ahint them, not wearin that bloody tutu fur a change. Ah must say, she does look guid in that dress. Pleasant. Looks like she has taken hur turn to look after Little Boy Misadventure. Seems happy enough now. Guid tae see that.

Wunder when Maureen will be back?

What? The names?

Weel, its not reely a guid idea tae use peoples real names when ye die. Ye never know wha might be listenin'. Mind earlier?

An' not everyane is nice around here.

Maureen is different. If ye ever get bored ask me again. Pack a few hunner years worth o' lunches though, an' cancel any holidays ye might be plannin'. Ah tend tae wander a bit when I'm tellin' stories, ye probably noticed, or not as the chance may be. Yeh'v had yon gleekit look aboot ye a few times when ah huv bin yappin'. Dinna deny it. Ah may be nearly three hunner, but my eyes are as they were when ah wuz twenty.

So, back tae the point at hand.

You would be......umm.. Young Man Car Accident. See it as a sort of nickname.

Dinna like it huh. Tae intrusive. Weel, we can use the initials an a'. How aboot YMCA?

Nickname it is then.